I will never forget a seminary professor’s warning about the dangers of sexual temptation: “No one really falls into immorality; he slides into it.” I believe he is right. I don’t know a single pastor who determines in advance to commit adultery so he can deeply hurt his family and disgrace the cause of Christ. Such ruinous behavior tends to happen gradually, if not even innocently. Consider five crucial actions to help safeguard your integrity:
1) Be Careful When Scheduling Meetings
While the so-called “Billy Graham Rule” has come under scrutiny in recent years, I still believe it is a wise practice to avoid being alone with another woman. However, if pastors work with female staff, they must grant them the same opportunities to meet and minister as male staff. Therefore, when meeting with female staff or church members, meet at locations visible and open to the public. Being cautious lessens the likelihood of inappropriate behavior and shows respect for public perception.
2) Keep The Door Open When Counseling
Building on the previous point, leave the door open when meeting with or counseling a female church member. It’s always best to leave the door slightly ajar and ensure other staff or members are nearby. You can place a small “white noise” machine near the base of the door to muffle much of the conversation so the individual feels at ease sharing her concerns.
3) Invite Someone To Sit In On Counseling Sessions
Inviting another staff person or trusted member to be present in counseling sessions is often beneficial regardless of gender. Asking someone to sit in on your counseling of a female church member is especially helpful when you are the sole counselor or need to meet with an individual more than once. If married, consider inviting your wife to sit in on such sessions. Her presence improves the counseling environment and allows her to offer insights uniquely helpful to the church members.
4) Share Messages And Passwords With Your Spouse
If married, tell your wife when you receive texts or calls from female church visitors and members. You need not share every word of the message, but letting her know who contacted you honors her and protects your marriage. Similarly, ensuring you and your spouse know each other’s passwords and internet communications provides additional integrity protection.
5) Engage In Meaningful Accountability
It’s not always easy to find someone who will ask tough questions about your purity and behavior, but do your best to locate that person. Being honest with someone you trust lets you know you are not alone and helps fortify your resolve to walk in godliness.
He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted up his soul to an idol, nor sworn deceitfully, he shall receive blessing from the Lord, and righteousness from the God of his salvation
Psalm 24:4-5
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