A pastor once cautioned his hearers about the tendency to believe that good parenting results in problem-free children. He spoke autobiographically in this memorable line:
I’ve had both kinds of kids, so I can testify: When God gives a parent an easy keeper you get way too much credit. When God entrusts a parent with a keg of dynamite dressed up as a kid, you get way too much blame. Think twice before you ask the parent of a seemingly perfect easy keeper how they “did it.” If they’ve never tried to rear a keg of dynamite, they don’t have a clue!
That is so true! We often forget that Proverbs 22:6 is a proverb, a proverbial statement, not an ironclad promise: “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” That’s a proverb—a good proverb, I might add—but a proverb nonetheless.
If there is one thing helpful for younger parents to learn early, it is that good parenting does not guarantee a trouble-free family. We live in a fallen world, a world plagued by hardships, setbacks, and difficulties.
But there is good news for today’s family! And one ironic place to find this good news is in Mark’s Gospel–Mark 9:14-29–where a father brings a very troubled son to Jesus for healing.
The Seriousness of the Son’s Problem (14-24)
Jesus enters a town where a crowd has gathered around a father and his son. Approaching the crowd, Jesus hears the people talking and He hears the scribes arguing with the disciples.
Then one of the crowd answered and said, “Teacher, I brought You my son, who has a mute spirit. (verse 17)
Here is a father with a problem. It’s a serious problem. The dad says that his son “has a mute spirit,” which means his son is possessed by a demon that keeps him from speaking. We read later in verse 25 that the spirit also causes the boy to be deaf. It’s a very serious problem.
Demon possession was just as real in biblical days as it is today. Our Lord Jesus certainly believed in it and the main thrust of this story is that He has authority over the demonic spirits.
The father continues to tell Jesus what happens when the demon seizes upon his son:
And wherever it seizes him, it throws him down; he foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth, and becomes rigid. So I spoke to Your disciples, that they should cast it out, but they could not.” (verse 18)
The disciples were unsuccessful in casting out the demon. And Jesus responds with a rebuke of the disciples:
He answered him and said, “O faithless generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I bear with you? Bring him to Me.” Then they brought him to Him. And when he (the spirit) saw Him, immediately the spirit convulsed him, and he fell on the ground and wallowed, foaming at the mouth. (verses 19-20)
This detail teaches that the evil spirits recognize the power and authority of Jesus Christ!
So He asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. (verse 21)
The father’s boy has been troubled by this demon since he was a child. This tells us that he is not a child any longer. He’s grown. We don’t know how old, but he is at least a young adult. How difficult it must have been for this father! The mother is not mentioned, but let’s assume she is alive and just not mentioned in the narrative. How hard it would have been on her, as well.
And often he (the demon) has thrown him both into the fire and into the water to destroy him. But if You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.” (verses 22-23)
The verse should probably be translated the way the majority of translations have it, with verse 23 more like Jesus’ saying, “If you can?” Like a question or like an exclamation, “If you can!” And that’s probably the best way to translate it, with an exclamation mark.
Read this way, the father says to Jesus, “If You can do anything, have compassion on us and help us” and Jesus repeats the man’s statement—as with a smile—“‘If you can!’ And Jesus replies, “All things are possible for one who believes.”
Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” (verse 24)
That’s just so honest. This father of the son sounds like me, at times. You, too? I love that honest admission. We’ll come back to that.
The Magnificence of the Savior’s Power (25-27)
And this really is the point of the passage.
When Jesus saw that the people came running together, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it: “Deaf and dumb spirit, I command you, come out of him and enter him no more!” Then the spirit cried out, convulsed him greatly, and came out of him. And he became as one dead, so that many said, “He is dead.” But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him up, and he arose. (verses 25-27)
Luke’s account adds that Jesus then gave the boy back to his father (Luke 9:42).
That phrase in verse 27, where Mark writes that Jesus “lifted him up, and he arose,” is literally that Jesus, “raised him, and he was resurrected.” He raised the son and he was resurrected. Hard not to see a bit of foreshadowing there!
The boy who “became as one dead” and “arose” did so precisely because, Jesus Himself would actually “become dead” and would Himself “arise.”
The Dependence of the Saints in Prayer (28-29)
The narrative ends with two verses, verses 28 and 29, that underscore the importance of one’s utter dependence upon the Lord for absolutely everything. The disciples are scratching their heads trying to figure out why they were unsuccessful in casting out the demon.
And when He (Jesus) had come into the house, His disciples asked Him privately, “Why could we not cast it out? So He said to them, “This kind can come out by nothing but prayer and fasting.” (verses 28-29)
Most of the modern translations have simply, “prayer.” The word “fasting” is not found in the older Greek manuscripts and that’s why it is omitted in most of the current translations. Of course, fasting is important too, but the real point is the utter dependence of the believer upon the Lord for absolutely everything. And that utter dependence of the Christian is demonstrated primarily through his or her prayer life.
The disciples lacked a consistent prayer life so they were working largely from their own strength. Their day-to-day lives were not bathed in prayer. And this is why they lacked power in ministry.
You can do a lot of ministry by relying on a process or a procedure, but not power that comes through prayer. It’s like preaching without spending time in prayer. Or reading the Word without praying.
Prayer is a demonstration of the truth that we are not able to do all things ourselves. It’s an admission that we can do nothing apart from God.
It’s Natural for Parents to Struggle in their Faith
The father in this story is so honest. Jesus had said, “All things are possible to him who believes” and the man replies so genuinely: “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” It’s natural for moms and dads to struggle in their faith.
We find ourselves saying, “I believe—but Lord, I also struggle with unbelief. I mean, I believe You are who You say You are and You can do whatever You wish—I really believe that—but I’m a sinner; I’m fallen and I live in a fallen world. It’s not an excuse, Jesus, I just need help. Help my unbelief!”
One of the primary reasons the church exists is to help folks who struggle in their faith. After all, it’s encouraging to know we are not alone!
The popular 80s group “The Police” have this great song: “Message in a Bottle.” It’s about a guy who feels he’s all alone, feels like he’s a cast away, “an island lost at sea.”
So he sends out a message in a bottle. Maybe it reads, “Help.” He sends it out in the hopes someone will get the bottle and read his note. If he’s lucky, they’ll write an encouraging note back to him, sending it back to him in the bottle. And he says over and over in the song, “I hope that someone gets my message in a bottle.”
A year goes by and it doesn’t seem like anyone’s gotten his S.O.S., his message in a bottle. But finally the encouraging line comes. The man says: “Walked out this morning and don’t believe what I saw—a hundred billion bottles washed up on the shore!” And then this memorable lyric: “Seems I’m not alone in being alone; a hundred billion castaways looking for a home.”
The encouragement of knowing we’re not alone! The church exists for countless castaways and outcasts who struggle in their faith. Seems we’re not alone in being alone. Be encouraged, parents: It’s natural for us to struggle in our faith.
It’s Natural for Parents to Struggle in their Family
Parents often struggle in leading their families. Much of this point is implicit in the narrative. Certainly we see the pain of this father in his concern for his son’s wellbeing. He is heartbroken over the spiritual state of his son.
Here is an evil spirit who has troubled his son since he was a small child. It’s almost unimaginable the pain that must have caused both mom and dad.
But the most important thing this dad did for his son was to bring him to Jesus. The father brought his chid to Jesus. “Teacher,” he says in verse 17, “I brought you my son.”
Practically speaking, how do parents “bring their children” to Jesus today?
**Bring your kids in worship
You can’t expect your sons and daughters to be any more spiritual than you are. You can’t expect them to pray if you don’t pray. You can’t expect your children to love Jesus if they can’t see that you love Jesus.
Don’t allow your children to determine who goes to worship and when. Lead them by bringing them to the Lord. “Teacher,” the father said, “I brought you my son.” Bring your family to worship by leading them.
I’m so glad that after my parents divorced my mother made me get up and go to worship when I was a young, rebellious teenager. It was never a question of whether we were going. She didn’t come and ask for my opinion. You know like, “Todd, do you want to wake up and go to worship or do you think we all ought to just sleep in?!”
As a parent, she didn’t let me lead her, but she led me. It wasn’t, “Do you want to go,” or, “Where are you happiest?” She made those decisions for me. So it was just, “Get up, get dressed, and get in the car.”
I’m especially grateful for that leadership now.
Parents, lead your family by leading them to regular worship in God’s house. Teach them by example. In doing so, you will prevent their growing up to become mere “consumers” of the church, coming only when it is convenient, coming only to get their needs met—but regularly giving of themselves by regularly attending worship, serving the Lord, working among the body of Christ, joyfully serving Him and others.
JC Ryle, in his booklet, The Duties of Parents, writes of the parents leading their children by regularly taking them to worship. He says:
Do not be discouraged because your children do not see the full value of church and the Lord’s Supper now. Just train them to have a habit of regular attendance. Set it before their minds as a high, holy, and solemn duty, and believe me, the day will very likely come when they will bless you for your efforts.
JC Ryle
**Bring them in prayer
The father in this passage brought his son to Jesus. He brought the needs of his son to Jesus. His son was troubled by a spirit that kept him from hearing and talking, so the father did the talking for him!
You may not always feel you can talk to your kids about God, but you can always talk to God about your kids—and you can do that now while they are in the home. It is good for your children to hear you pray, to talk to God about them.
Don’t preach when you pray. Just pray, “God, you know I love this young man, this young lady,” etc. Let them hear you pray for them.
**Bring them in love
Love your kids the way your Father loves you. That is, love them for who they are, not what you think they should be.
Love your kids the way they are. That’s how the Father loves you. That doesn’t mean He doesn’t want you to grow in Christlikeness. Rather, it means that God loves you as you are because He made you that way.
As a parent, you are to love your children for who they are—their unique personalities, giftedness, and even oddities—because God made them that way.
Our job as parents is to train up our children. They will eventually grow into adults and they will have the benefit of all of our training inside them. They’ll not forget it. They may stray and wander, at times, but it’s there—all that training and all that teaching.
Remember that they are sinners. Watch your boasting about them. And be careful not to swell up in pride when others boast about them—telling you how wonderful they are—you know them just like you know yourself. They are sinners.
Guard against the temptation to post their every good deed on Facebook or write about their glowing accomplishments in the annual “Christmas brag letter” (am I the only one who hates those things?!).
Speaking of Christmas letters, hear the caution of Sinclair Ferguson: “The boasts of one Christmas letter may be the griefs of later ones.” Wow. So true.
It’s like those bumper stickers that read something like: “My child is the smartest person in the world,” or whatever. “My child is a genius!”
Usually when you read that bumper sticker: “My child is a genius,” you pull your car alongside it and try to gaze into the car window that you may catch a glimpse of the royal wizard himself. And as you pull alongside and peer into the window, what do you see? You see the little genius gazing into oblivion with his finger shoved halfway up his nose!
Parenting is a lifelong commitment. What is important is how your kids finish spiritually. That’s more important than anything else.
We need to be reminded that it really doesn’t matter whether our children grow up to be the best doctor in all the land, the best athlete, the best salesperson, or financial officer, or honor student—ultimately—those are not the greatest concerns.
Or was our Lord wrong when He asked, “What shall it profit a person if he should gain the whole world but lose his soul (Mark 8:36)?”
Be encouraged parents: it’s the long haul of parenting that makes the difference—because it often may not seem to be making a difference now.
Hear again encouragement from JC Ryle in Duties of Parents: “I do not doubt that many children will rise up in the day of judgment and bless their parents for good training, [children] who never gave any signs of having profited by it during their parents’ lives.”
I agree. And I think that is good news for struggling parents.
What About You
- Do think Proverbs 22:6 is a proverb or a promise? How can struggling parents be encouraged to know that it is not an iron-clad guarantee?
- If you are a parent, do you regularly bring your children to Jesus in the way this post suggests?
- What struggling parent can you help this week?
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