In our previous post we noted that marriage is an institution created by God. It’s His idea. So we also noted that marriage takes more than two people. It takes three: Husband, Wife, and the Lord.
We pick up today in our verse-by-verse study of the third chapter of Colossians, reading again in Colossians 3:18-19:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (v.18)
Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. (v.19)
The text consists of two main teaching points, the first for Christian wives and the second for Christian husbands:
**God’s Plan for Your Marriage:
- Christian Wife:
—Demonstrate Biblical Submission to Your Husband (18)
- Christian Husband:
—Demonstrate Faithful Adoration of Your Wife (19)
As we’ve already addressed the role of the Christian wife in yesterday’s post, we turn now to the role of the Christian husband from verse 19:
Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. (verse 19)
That’s pretty straightforward, isn’t it? Love your wife and do not be bitter toward her.
In Roman society it was not uncommon for men to rage against their wives and demonstrate remarkable anger and bitterness; always ready to explode, like a can of soda that has been shaken and suddenly opened.
Men may become bitter towards their wives when they fail to understand them. Sometimes a man’s wife is merely offering help, caution, or warning, but men may be too self-engrossed or too self-focused to appreciate their loving counsel.
Paul says, “Love your wives.” In the parallel text of Ephesians 5, he elaborates on the kind of love a husband is to show his wife. He says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (Ephesians 5:25).
Jesus Christ demonstrated a sacrificial love. He loved the church and gave Himself for the church. He died for the church. Christian husbands love their wives sacrificially—to the point they are even willing to die for their wives. That’s a deep, real love. And it is a love made possible by the new life we have in Christ.
It is so important to recall the greater context of Paul’s teaching here in Chapter 3. These two commands for wives and husbands are commands couched in the context of the new life in Christ.
Paul is addressing those who have already dealt with their most basic, fundamental problem: the problem of sin. He is writing to those who have “put off” the old self and “put on” the new. He is writing to people who have been converted; people being renewed daily in the image of the One who created them.
So when Paul is writing here about the matter of marriage, he is not writing to just anyone. He is writing to Christians. He is writing to Christian wives and Christian husbands; those who are “seeking those things which are above” and “setting their minds on things above, not on things on the earth” (Colossians 3:1-2).
He is writing to those who have “died” to their old selves (Colossians 3:3), those for whom “Christ is their life” (Colossians 3:4). He is writing to those who are regularly “putting to death” (Colossians 3:5) sins such as, “fornication, uncleanness, lust, evil desire,” and “putting off” sins cut as anger, wrath, malice and filthy language (Colossians 3:8).
Paul is writing to Christian husbands and wives who are putting on, or “dressing” themselves with “tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long-suffering (Colossians 3:12); bearing with one another, and forgiving one another even as they have been forgiven in Christ (Colossians 3:13).
He is writing to Christian couples who, “above all things, put on love, which is the bond of perfection” or completeness in marriage (Colossians 3:14).
And he is writing to Christian husbands and wives who “let the Word of Christ dwell in them richly” (Colossians 3:16).
The context of all those preceding verses are vitally important to understanding what Paul says about marriage in verses 18 and 19.
Want a good example of a Christian husband’s love for his wife? Read the wonderful book A Promise Kept. It is the unforgettable story of Robertson McQuilkin, former president of Columbia Bible College and Seminary (now Columbia International University), and his commitment to care for his wife, Muriel, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease.
When McQuilkin first learned of the diagnosis, he took on more and more of Muriel’s care until making the choice to resign from his coveted position as seminary president in order to lovingly care for his wife full-time.
There were many who could not understand McQuilkin’s decision. They believed he could get others to care for his wife while he presided over the seminary, but McQuilkin had made up his mind.
His reason is found in an excerpt of a letter he wrote to the Columbia Bible College constituency explaining his decision. He wrote:
Recently it has become apparent that Muriel is contented most of the time she is with me and almost none of the time I am away from her. It is not just “discontent.” She is filled with fear—even terror—that she has lost me and always goes in search of me when I leave home. So it is clear to me that she needs me now, full-time.
Referring to his wedding day years earlier, McQuilkin adds how he came to the decision to resign:
The decision was made, in a way, 42 years ago when I promised to care for Muriel “in sickness and in health…till death do us part.” So, as I told the students and faculty, as a man of my word, integrity has something to do with it. But so does fairness. She has cared for me fully and sacrificially all these years; if I cared for her for the next 40 years I would not be out of her debt.
He adds:
Duty, however, can be grim and stoic. But there is more: I love Muriel. She is a delight to me—her childlike dependence and confidence in me, her warm love, occasional flashes of that wit I used to relish so, her happy spirit and tough resilience in the face of her continual distressing frustration. I don’t have to care for her. I get to! It is a high honor to care for so wonderful a person.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
What About You?
- In what way does the context of preceding verses strengthen Paul’s teaching on marriage in verses 18 and 19?
- How does Paul’s teaching in Ephesians 5 illustrate the kind of love a husband is to show to his wife?
- If you are married–or thinking of marriage–are you prepared to love and care for your spouse “in sickness” as well as “in health?”
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