A mother ran into the bedroom when she heard her little boy scream. She got in the room and saw the little boy’s younger sister pulling his hair. Taking her daughter’s hand and slowly releasing her grip on the boy’s hair, the mother said, “There, there. She didn’t mean it. She’s only two. She doesn’t know it hurts.” The little boy nodded his head as the mother left the room. His mother had hardly shut the door behind herself before hearing the little girl scream. Rushing back into the room the mother said, “What happened?!” The little boy said, “She knows now!”
We all face the challenge of forgiving others. Forgiving others is not always easy. It is much easier to seek revenge like the little boy seeking revenge upon his sister. But Christians are called to a higher standard.
In Matthew 18, Peter approaches Jesus with a question about forgiveness. Let’s study the passage (Matthew 18:21-35) and see what happens:
21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
The Jewish people believed it was a noble thing to forgive an offender three times. Peter figures Jesus raises the bar and that for him the “forgiveness limit” is probably more than three, so he suggests, “Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
Some translations have, “seventy seven times.” It matters little how you translate it because Jesus’ point is that there is no limit to forgiveness.
We must Forgive Continually
The immediate context concerns the forgiveness of a believer; a Christian brother or sister. But because Christians can forgive on the strength and power of the gospel, they have the ability to forgive anyone who sins against them.
Jesus commands us to, “Love our enemies.” He says, “Bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you (Matthew 5:44).” We must forgive and we must forgive continually.
Let’s broaden the application:
How many times shall my father or my mother sin against me, and I forgive? Continually.
How many times shall my husband, my wife, sin against me, and I forgive? Continually.
How many times shall my son, my daughter, sin against me and I forgive? Continually.
Forgiveness does not mean that we agree with another’s sin against us or that we dismiss it as unimportant. Nor are we to compromise our Christian convictions or become a codependent doormat and allow people to walk all over us.
What forgiveness does mean, however, is that we will choose not to bear a grudge against someone for their having offended us.
Now maybe you’re asking, “How in the world is that possible? How can I forgive and not bear a grudge against this person?” We’ll get to that in a moment but first let’s note a second thing about forgiveness.
We Must Forgive Compassionately
Jesus tells a parable about a king who had a servant brought before him. The servant owed the king a huge sum of money; “ten thousand talents.” In Bible days ten thousand talents was a debt no one could repay. Today we might say the servant owed the king “a trillion dollars,” an amount the average person could never repay.
Because the king threatens to throw the servant into debtor’s prison, the servant falls down to his knees and begins to beg. He cries out to the king: “Please, have patience with me and I will pay back every single penny.”
And this moves the king to compassion:
27 “Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.
Such compassion from the king! The servant could never repay the king, but the king forgives his debt anyway. And the king forgives him at great cost to himself. I mean, it cost the king a trillion dollars. He would never get that back. Forgiveness was costly to him, but he forgave the servant.
Does this servant appreciate the compassion of his master’s forgiveness? Does he understand the great cost to this king in his forgiving him this huge debt? If so, then he will extend the same forgiveness to others. He will forgive just as he’s been forgiven. But that’s not what happens in this parable.
The servant goes out and finds someone who owes him “a hundred denarii (Matthew 18:28).” Compared to a trillion dollars, a hundred denarri is like twenty bucks. The servant himself had been forgiven a trillion dollar debt and the first thing he does is find someone who owes him twenty dollars.
After finding the guy who owes him twenty bucks, the ungrateful servant takes him by the throat and demands: “Pay me what you owe me!” Then this man falls down and cries, “Be patient with me and I’ll pay it all back”—which sounds familiar to careful hearers of the parable.
But the ungrateful servant has no compassion. So the king summons the servant and says, “You wicked servant. I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. I had compassion on you!” He adds:
33 ‘Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’
Jesus’ point is clear: Just as the king had forgiven compassionately, so should the man have forgiven compassionately—and so should we forgive others compassionately.
So what happens next?
34 “And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.
35 “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”
Jesus calls us to forgive “from the heart.” He says elsewhere, “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil (Luke 6:45).”
Forgiveness, complete forgiveness, flows from the heart.
We Must Forgive Completely
What happens if we don’t forgive others completely? According to the parable, we are “delivered to the torturers.” Whatever else this means we can infer that it is a punishment we bring upon ourselves, maybe in the form of physical or emotional pain.
When we fail to forgive others, we hurt only ourselves.
So how do we forgive others? Certainly not on the strength of our own abilities. That would prove disastrous. Rather, Christians are empowered to forgive on the strength of the gospel. Here’s how the Apostle Paul put it:
“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you (Ephesians 4:32).”
So we look to the cross and remember that we have been forgiven a huge debt that we could never repay. We could never atone for our sins. No amount of good works could come close to “paying what we owe.” We identify with the wicked servant in the parable. We understand that God is our King, our Master, who has forgiven us.
When you really know forgiveness from God, you will have little difficulty forgiving others.
When God forgave our huge debt, He forgave it at great cost to Himself. It cost God the death of His Son, Jesus Christ. It cost God to forgive you and me. The reason we can forgive others continually, compassionately, and completely is because God in Christ forgives us continually, compassionately, and completely.
Here’s the point: when you really know forgiveness from God, you will have little difficulty forgiving others.
But if we don’t really know that forgiveness in an experiential way, we’ll spend the rest of our lives like that wicked servant, always demanding others “pay what they owe.”
We can forgive others continually, compassionately, and completely—why?—because God in Christ forgives us continually, compassionately, and completely.
What About You?
- Why is it wrong for a Christian to say: “I’ll never forgive?”
- Do you know the forgiveness of God in Christ? How does that forgiveness help you forgive others?
- Who do you need to forgive right now?
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