What does the Bible teach about biblical marriage–and what is the word “submission” all about? Continuing our verse-by-verse study of 1 Peter, we look today at 1 Peter 3:1-6 and see what God teaches in His Word.
Unfortunately, many wrongly think of submission as a word that means wives are to be doormats upon which their husbands walk, or slaves who must obey the harsh commands of their husbands; men acting like frustrated, drill sergeants. This is NOT biblical submission!
Consider The Blessing Of A Biblical Wife
Is it really a blessing to be a biblical wife? I think so! Let’s begin by looking at the first verse of Chapter 3, and we’ll also consider other helpful verses.
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, (1 Peter 3:1)
Recall that Peter has been writing about submission from at least as far back as Chapter 2 and verse 13. He charged Christians: “Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man” and so we talked about submitting to the government and following Christ whatever our politics.
Then, in Chapter 2 and verse 18, Peter writes: “Servants, be submissive to your masters.” You may recall our post about New Testament slavery and how to suffer present day injustices.
So for the third time now Paul writes of submission here in Chapter 3 and verse 1: “Wives, likewise, be submissive…”
There is an inherent blessing when a wife submits to her husband–and the inherent blessing is bound up in the fact that when she submits to her husband she is doing that which is biblical. God always honors our doing what is biblical.
There is another blessing when a wife submits to her husband that is expressly stated here in verse 1. When a married woman becomes a Christian–and her husband remains an unbeliever–she may win her unbelieving husband to faith in Christ simply by living according to the Bible’s teachings.
Consider again verse 1: “Wives, likewise be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word (that is, the gospel), they, without a word (without your talking), may be won by the conduct (or behavior) of their wives.”
It is supremely helpful to remember that the conversion of an unbelieving husband is what drives this passage. Much is made over the fact that Peter takes six verses to address wives and just one verse to address husbands (verse 7). The faulty implication is: “Peter’s got a lot more to say to wives to straighten them out!”
Hardly. Peter is writing about submission, and what undergirds these six verses is Peter’s demonstrating how biblical submission on the part of a wife may result in the conversion of an unbelieving husband.
Just knowing this helps us see right away that biblical submission does not mean that a wife can’t think for herself or that she must always agree with her husband. Peter doesn’t tell the believing wife to not think for herself or tell her she must follow her unbelieving husband’s views on everything. That’s not what submission means.
But the question remains: What is biblical submission? And what does it really mean to be submissive?
Many are concerned about what to do when husbands are not leading and we’ll be dealing with that unfortunate circumstance more fully when we get to verse 7. For now, let’s talk about this matter of male headship in the home. This teaching does not begin in the New Testament, but is as old as Adam & Eve.
It is not really possible to understand the wife’s role of submission apart from the husband’s role of headship; that is, the leadership of his wife and family. The husband’s role as leader is implied in 1 Peter 3, else the whole idea of submission would make little sense. In other words, since Peter instructs wives to “be submissive to their own husbands,” then it necessarily follows that the husband is leading.
Men and women are created as equal image-bearers of God. They are equal in essence. They equally possess dignity before God and neither is more or less important than the other. Nor is one inferior to the other.
Feminist teaching in some evangelical churches agrees that husbands and wives are equal in essence, but disagrees that either has a uniquely different role or function in the marriage.
But the Bible teaches that the husband bears primary responsibility to lead his wife and to lead his family in a God-honoring way. This means he does not lead as an authoritarian or as a domineering tyrant. His model for leadership is Jesus Christ.
Ephesians 5:23 states: “the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church.” How did Christ lead as head of the church? He loved the church. He prayed for the church. He died for the church.
This role of the husband–headship in the home–is a role rooted in creation. Contrary to popular feminist theology, male headship in the home did not come as a result of sin which entered the world in Genesis 3.
When you study the opening chapters of Genesis, you note that male headship is taught before the Fall of Genesis 3. Indeed, Genesis chapters 1 and 2 teach the different functions and roles of husband and wife.
To be sure, sin distorts the roles of husband and wife and that is largely what we are witnessing today in many families; role-reversals of husband and wife. But the biblical model begins in the opening two chapters of the Bible.
This is why the New Testament reaffirms the Old Testament teaching of male headship and biblical submission. If submission were sinful, it certainly would not be reaffirmed in the New Testament, yet it is. We read it above in Ephesians 5, and here’s another place where this teaching is affirmed:
1 Corinthians 11:3: “I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”
Paul states very clearly that “the head of woman is man.” That is, the husband is to lead his wife. But note that this teaching is sandwiched between two other statements that color the kind of leadership Paul has in mind. See it again:
“I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”
What Paul intends when writing that “the head of woman is man” is discovered by the phrases both preceding and following that statement, namely these two phrases: “the head of every man is Christ” and “the head of Christ is God.”
In other words, were we to ask, “How exactly does a husband lead his wife?” The answer is: “The same way that Christ leads the husband.” And if we ask, “How is a wife to submit to her husband?” the answer is: “The same way Christ submits to His Father.”
The husband and wife are equal in essence, but each has a different function or role in the marriage. The husband leads his wife as “head” of his wife.
The wife is a “helper” to her husband (Genesis 2:18; 1 Corinthians 11:8-9), which makes her a beautiful complement and completer to her husband. He is incomplete without her.
Submission means that the wife voluntarily yields herself to the leadership of her husband. Again, it doesn’t mean she cannot think for herself or that she will always agree with her husband, but it means the wife has an inclination to lovingly follow her husband.
One other helpful illustration is found in the doctrine of the Trinity. The teaching of the Trinity is that God is a triune God. He is one God in three Persons. Each of the Persons–Father, Son, and Holy Spirit–is of equal essence and dignity in relation to the others. No one Person of the Godhead is more divine than another. The Son of God is as much God as the Holy Spirit. The Father is as important as the Son, and so forth.
Yet, while there is equality among the Persons of the Trinity, there is also variety of function and role and there is also subordination within the Godhead. The Son submits to the Father. The Holy Spirit submits to both the Son and the Father. Yet all three Persons are equally God with no loss of dignity or glory.
Likewise, the wife–with no loss of her dignity–submits to her husband. Husband and wife are equal image-bearers of God. They both have worth and dignity before God. Neither one is more or less important in God’s sight. Yet, while they are of the same essence, they have differing roles: the husband is head of the wife in the way that Christ is head of the church, and the wife submits to her husband in the same way Christ submits to the Father.
This is the blessing of being a biblical wife. God always honors our following His Word.
And note again the special blessing that attaches to the wife whose husband is not a believer:
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,
The JB Phillips translation is helpful:
“If they do not obey the Word of God they may be won to God without any word being spoken, simply by seeing the pure and reverent behavior of you, their wives.”
This teaching is similar to what Peter wrote in the previous chapter. He had said that the honorable conduct of Christians had the potential to cause unbelievers to “glorify God” (1 Peter 2:12).
There is power in a Christian life that is honorably lived-out before others. Often our actions do indeed speak louder than our words. This is not to say that words are not important. People must hear the gospel before they can be saved, but the godly actions of Christians may persuade those people to believe what they have heard.
So Peter is telling Christian wives who are married to non-Christian husbands how they may win their husbands to the Lord. He says that they may win them not so much by their speaking as by their living; living godly lives before them:
…they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear (1 Peter 3:2)
Some wives may become so frustrated by their husband’s lack of spiritual example that they fall into the trap of verbally rebuking him and lecturing him. Unfortunately, this reaction does little to soften the hard heart of a man insensitive to spiritual things. If anything, the incessant words of his wife may cause his heart to harden more.
So, next post, we’ll consider this teaching more fully: the behavior of a biblical wife (verse 2).
And we’ll also consider the beauty of a biblical wife (verses 3-6).
And don’t worry, husbands, we’ll get to you eventually in verse 7!
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