Few musical artists have cashed-in on our glaring problem of loneliness more than the Beatles. They wrote a number of songs highlighting mankind’s recurring difficulty to have meaningful relationships with others. Recall, for example, those hauntingly familiar lyrics about “all the lonely people,” lonely people such as:
Eleanor Rigby
picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been
lives in a dream
waits at the window,
wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door
who is it for?
Or other lonely people such as:
Father McKenzie
writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear
no one comes near
look at him working,
darning his socks in the night when there’s nobody there
what does he care?
All the lonely people
where do they all come from?
All the lonely people
where do they all belong?
As a minister there have been many times I felt just like Father McKenzie: “writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear!”
Maybe some of you can relate to Eleanor Rigby, picking up rice in the church where a wedding has been, but it’s not your wedding.
Inwardly we each yearn for acceptance. We want people to like us. We want people to come to us, to listen to us. We want people to think we’re really important. We want to be surrounded with meaningful relationships. We want friends.
If you’re reading through Proverbs this month then you will notice that the words “friend” and “neighbor” occur frequently and are often used interchangeably. Today’s post examines a number of these occurrences and how they apply.
Proverbs 12:26, “The righteous should choose his friends carefully, For the way of the wicked leads them astray.”
Mankind was created for relationships. Human beings are different from every other created being in that humans bear God’s divine image. Our ultimate purpose in life is to enjoy the relationship God intends that we have with Him, bringing glory to Him as He repairs our fallen natures through faith in Jesus Christ.
Through Christ we find our sense of completion and wholeness with our Creator. But Jesus said the Great Commandment is two-fold. In Matthew 22:37-39, Jesus says: “’You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. “And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'”
God created us to have relationship with Him and relationship with one another. So it is unnatural for us to have no relationships outside of our relationship with God. God expects that we have love our fellow man, our friends, our neighbors, and our acquaintances.
Having noted this truth, we observe first that Solomon issues a warning regarding wrong relationships.
We Must be Cautious in our Friendships
Proverbs 12:26, “The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.”
Choose your friends carefully. If you don’t choose them carefully, you may end up choosing those who will lead you astray. This proverb is very similar to the one I used to have hanging on the wall of my office when I worked as a parole officer. It was there for all my parolees to read:
Proverbs 13:20, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.”
That’s a good proverb for parents to teach their children. Teach your teenage children that one: “He who walks with the wise will himself be wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” We become like the people with whom we associate.
Proverbs 22:24-25, “Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man do not go, lest you learn his ways and set a snare for your soul.”
Solomon warns that we really do become like the people we associate with. He says if you hang out with an angry person or a furious person, you will “learn his ways.” That is, you will become like him and you will “set a snare for your soul.”
We should avoid associating with those who will bring us down, but seek out friendships of those who inspire us to be better and do better. Hang out with people who have the kind of character you aspire to have yourself.
But not only must we be cautious with respect to the actions of others, we must be cautious with respect to our own actions, too. For example:
Proverbs 25:17, “Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house, lest he become weary of you and hate you.”
My favorite cartoon is Gary Larson’s “The Far Side.” One cartoon shows a couple leaving a house after overstaying their visit. The couple they were visiting is sprawled out on their living room floor looking as though they had suddenly died. The caption reads: “The Arnolds feign death until the Wagners, sensing awkwardness, are compelled to leave.”
We all need our space. Stay a short while and then go. Don’t bore your neighbors to death! Stay briefly, be positive, and then go. Leave them with a positive note. Be the kind of person they want to see again, the kind of person they want to hang around with. Be cautious in your friendships. Number two:
We Must be Candid in our Friendships
Proverbs 27:6, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”
This proverb sounds backwards. We might expect it to read, “Faithful are the kisses of a friend, but the wounds of an enemy are deceitful.” But Solomon intends the irony. That is, you can trust a friend who is candid with you. He is the one who is honest with you. His honesty may be like wounds, but they are wounds meant to heal and help. He tells you the truth. He doesn’t sugarcoat it. Do you have friends like that?
“You can trust a friend who is candid with you. He is the one who is honest with you. His honesty may be like wounds, but they are wounds meant to heal and help.”
On the other hand, “the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” This is the one who always flatters, who always butters up, who is deceitful in his or her praise, as though flooding you with a flurry of kisses. Don’t trust him. Don’t trust her. Friends are those who can be candid with you. That way, when the praise you, you know it is sincere praise.
Proverbs 27:9, “Ointment and perfume delight the heart, and the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel.”
Again, we all need friends we can go to who will give us good counsel. His counsel is like the sweet smell of perfume. But we must always be wary of those who only say good things, who seem given to flattery:
Proverbs 29:5, “A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.”
Be wary of flattery and praise. Even our Lord Jesus warned in Luke 6:26, “Woe to you when all men speak well of you.” There’s an application there about being cautious and candid in our friendships.
We Must be Consistent in our Friendships
Proverbs 17:17, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
A friend loves at all times. He is consistent. She is consistent. A friend is one who sticks with your through thick and thin.
Proverbs 26:18-19, “Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death, is the man who deceives his neighbor, and says, ‘I was only joking!’”
Nobody likes to be around the one who attacks his neighbor, who pokes fun, who deceives and says, “I was only joking! Have a sense of humor!” A true friend doesn’t do something for a laugh at your expense.
True friends are consistent. Their behavior is predictable. You can count on them in a pinch.
I mentioned “The Far Side” cartoon earlier. We also learn about friendships from Charles Shultz’ cartoon “Peanuts.” One cartoon shows Peppermint Patty saying to her friend Marcie: “I’d like to read this book, Marcie, but I’m kind of afraid. I had a grandfather who didn’t think much of reading. He always said that if you read too many books, your head would fall off.” Marcie responds as only a true friend would: “You start the first chapter, and I’ll hold onto your head!”
We Must be Christlike in our Friendships
Proverbs 17:9, “He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends.”
He who “covers over an offense” is the way the NIV puts it. This is the one who overlooks a matter, the one who seeks to “bury the hatchet.” One of my favorite proverbs is Proverbs 19:11, “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”
Jesus Christ knew about “overlooking an offense” and “covering over a transgression.” Just read 1 Peter 2:21-23!
When someone insults you, just overlook it. Just overlook it! It is to a man’s glory to overlook an offense. Christ overlooked the insults of His offenders and committed Himself to the Lord God.
Proverbs 18:24, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
Jesus Christ knew about “overlooking an offense” and “covering over a transgression.”
The old adage is still true: “Want a friend? Be a friend.” Go up to others and speak kindly to them. Solomon says, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly.” Be approachable. Look at people and smile. Don’t wait for them to come to you. Go up to them and say hello.
Then, the second part of that proverb reminds us of our Lord. The Bible says there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Our Lord Jesus is like that, isn’t He? In fact, in Jesus Christ we see what ultimate friendship looks like.
John 15:13-14, “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you.”
Do you know the friendship of the Lord Jesus Christ? Can you sing with the hymn-writer:
I have found a friend in Jesus, He’s everything to me,
He’s the fairest of ten thousand to my soul;
Or:
What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Jesus is the closest friend we’ll ever have. He is the one who takes us in His arms and shields us from all harm. Find true solace in Him
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What About You?
- “Want a friend? Be a friend.” Who can you befriend today?
- Are there any relationships in your life that call for caution?
- How can you live out the proverbs by being a good neighbor this week?
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