As we continue our verse-by-verse study of 1 Peter, we look again at 1 Peter 3:1-6 in Part 2 of what God teaches about biblical wives. In our previous post on these verses, we considered the blessing of a biblical wife.
Because the blessing of a biblical wife is predicated upon the behavior of a biblical wife, we’ll now turn our attention to this matter.
Consider the Behavior of a Biblical Wife
Verse 2 says husbands will “observe [their wives’] chaste conduct accompanied by fear.” This truth builds upon what Peter had just said to Christian wives in verse 1, namely, that they may win their unbelieving husbands to faith in Christ not so much by what they say, but by how they live.
Peter assumes that most unbelieving husbands have already heard the gospel message. This is implied in verse 1 where Peter says that these husbands “do not obey the word.” Put another way, they’ve heard the gospel, but they’re not obeying it. And they’re not obeying it because they don’t believe it.
So, Peter says the best way to win an unbelieving spouse is by godly living. It’s not easy to resist the temptation to “be preachy.” We want to say, “You just need to get right with God! Get your act together! Take us to church!”
But rather than preaching, Peter encourages these Christian wives to simply live out the Christian life before their unbelieving spouses. This behavior will go further in winning them to Christ than anything they say.
The word “chaste” in verse 2 means pure. Unbelieving husbands will observe the purity of their godly wives and also their “fear” or “fear of God;” their reverence for the Lord.
Then, Peter fleshes out this teaching in the next few verses. He continues speaking about the wife’s behavior in these verses, but now enfolds the wife’s behavior with her beauty.
Consider the Beauty of a Biblical Wife
Peter is teaching how a wife’s godly living may have a profound evangelistic effect upon her unbelieving husband. At the same time, however, the teaching here is applicable to all spouses, believers and unbelievers alike.
Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— (verse 3)
The New King James Version is one of the better translations here: “Do not let your adornment be merely (my emphasis) outward.” That is: outward adornment is not itself wrong. Arranging the hair is not inherently wrong. Wearing gold is not wrong, if worn tastefully. Putting on fine apparel is not inherently wrong, when arrayed in tasteful fashion.
Here is Peter’s point to ladies who are married to unbelieving husbands: “While external beauty makes you attractive to your husband, he is not likely to be won to Christ that way.” Indeed, the external beauty of a woman may win her husband to the bedroom, but it is not likely that her external beauty will win him to Christ.
Rather, her adornment is to be on the inside, from her inner beauty:
rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. (verse 4)
Peter is not saying that it is wrong for a woman to braid her hair, or wear jewelry, or dress nicely. He’s simply saying, “Don’t let that be the focus of your beauty.” Make the focus of your beauty who you are on the inside.
Remember when Samuel was looking over the sons of Jesse and wondering which of them the Lord had selected to be king? He saw Eliab and thought to himself, “Surely this fine looking man has the body of a king,” and God said to him, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature…for the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).”
Similarly, Peter writes that real beauty is not who a woman is on the outside, but who she is on the inside. Popular culture stresses the outside, while the Bible stresses the inside.
Peter writes in verse 4 that a woman’s beauty should be “the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”
A woman’s having a “gentle and quiet spirit” does not mean she cannot have an outgoing personality. Some women are louder than others. Again, Peter is not talking about the outside, he’s talking about the inside. He’s talking about a gentle and quiet “spirit,” who a woman is on the inside.
A gentle and quiet spirit indicates an inner trust in God, an inner tranquility or peace. She knows that God is in control and that He always does what is right, even if she has an unbelieving husband.
If a Christian woman has an unbelieving husband, she submits herself to her husband, trusting that God is in complete control. She does not fret and worry herself over worldly concerns, but puts her hope and trust in God. That this is what Peter has in mind is evidenced by what he says next in verse 5:
For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, (verse 5)
Drawing from the Old Testament, Peter says that this is how the women “in former times” lived. This is how they “adorned themselves.” He says they “trusted in God.” So they did not ultimately put their hope and trust in their husband, but in God.
If you are a young lady who is hoping for a husband, let your ultimate hope and trust be not in a husband, but in God. The best husband is not one who thinks he is “Number One” to you, but one who knows he’s in second place behind God.
This is the hallmark of Christian womanhood: trusting in God–not trusting in a husband or the hopes of getting a husband–but hoping and trusting in God Himself.
Peter says this is how the holy women in former times adorned themselves.
Then, as an example of one such holy woman in former times, Peter writes:
as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. (verse 6)
Sarah was the wife of Abraham and she is the one who gave birth to Isaac. She was not perfect! For example, in Genesis 18, she was listening to a discussion about her and Abraham’s having a son in spite of her being well beyond the age of childbearing and she laughed to herself.
Yet, Peter provides Sarah as an example of beauty–and we don’t even know what she looked like! And yet, we do. We know of her “inner beauty,” the beauty that matters most.
When God called Sarah out on her laughing, she lied and said she didn’t laugh. But she had laughed. So when she conceived and gave birth to a son, she named him “Isaac,” which means “laughter.”
Sarah had learned to trust God.
Peter adds in verse 6 that Sarah “obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.” That doesn’t mean she was like, “O, my Lord and king of the universe, what shall your humble servant do for you today?!”
No. It’s not “Lord” with a capital “L,” but lord with a lower case “l.” In the ancient near east, calling a husband “lord” was a term of endearment that reflected the love and respect of a woman for her husband. Today it might be like saying, “My main man!” or, “My main squeeze!”
Sarah loved her husband. So she talked to him like she loved him. Wives, talk to your husbands like you love them. Husbands, talk to your wives like you love them.
Speak well of your spouse in public. And speak well of your spouse when they’re not around.
Men: don’t do like other men do when gathering together in the break room, talking about their wives in disrespectful ways. You are different. Speak well of your wife in public.
Ladies: don’t do as other women do when gathering together, trashing their husbands. You are different. Speak well of your husband in public.
So Peter says, “You are like Sarah” ladies, when you live like she did. The phrase “whose daughters you are” means you are like Sarah when you love your husband the way Sarah loved her husband. You want a “Cover Girl” example for inner beauty? Look no further than Sarah.
This matter of inner beauty has a number of implications. We should also praise our children, for example, for their inner beauty.
One of the reasons I don’t get too excited about contests where people are rewarded for their externals; physical beauty, for example, is because our secular culture so champions those things.
The Bible champions inner beauty. Never forget that, ladies. And, never forget that, mothers and fathers of little children.
Outer beauty–external achievement in terms of success, academics, vocation, and other external adornments–means very little when there is no inner beauty, no inner love for Christ, no real dedication to God and service to Him.
Men: praise your sons and daughters for their inner spirit, their inner love for Christ. Put your arm around them and teach them Proverbs 15:20: “A wise son brings joy to his father.” Teach both your sons and daughters 3 John 4: “I have no greater joy than that my children walk in truth.” Praise them for their inner beauty.
Wives, love your husband the way Sarah loved her husband. You are her daughters “if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.”
That last phrase, “are not afraid with any terror” seems to call for brave living among a people and a culture who may not understand biblical submission. Don’t be afraid to live out what the Bible teaches. Don’t be afraid of those who make light of your seemingly “strange” notions of biblical submission. Put your trust in God like the beautiful women of former times.
So, don’t be afraid of the women at the coffee gathering who may not share your biblical values. Be like Sarah. You are her daughters if you love your husband the way she did.
But what about the husbands? To that topic we will return next time when we look at verse 7.
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